To the Moon and Back
by Shadow Phenix
Summary: Griefstricken, Videl leaves Gohan. Will she find her way back home? Abandoned.
1. To the Moon and Back

Okay, I happened to get the idea for this fic a little earlier. It's sort of based on _HANDS CLEAN_ by Burned Vamp. You guys let me know if I should continue with this or not. However, if Burned wants me to take it down, I will. 

This chapter is a song fic. "To the Moon and Back" by Savage Garden. 

Warning: This chapter is rather emotional. 

* * *

  


_She's taking her time making up the reasons   
To justify all the hurt inside_

Videl looked around sadly at the nearly empty room. So many memories... 

Memories of Gohan and herself--together. This bedroom...their bedroom had once meant so much to her. 

_Guess she knows from the smiles  
and the look in their eyes  
Everyone's got a theory 'bout the bitter one_

Gohan would never hurt her, no. She had been the one to crush him. It was just to hard to go on living with him now... 

_They're sayin', "Mamma never loved her much."  
And, "Daddy never keeps in touch.  
That's why she shies away from human affection." _

_Ice Princess._ That's what she had been called her whole life. Then Gohan had come along. He had saved her--showed her that she was a woman; in so many ways... 

_But somewhere in a private place   
She packs her bag for outer space_

Thursday...she had told him the good news on a Thursday. He had been so happy; so excited, just as she had. 

_And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come _

And she'll say to him... 

Pain. It had hurt so bad. It was like her heart--her soul was ripping in two. 

_She's sayin'  
I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...   
If you'll be my baby   
Got a ticket for a world where we belong   
So would you be my baby?_

He had been there the whole time, trying to help her, telling her how much he loved her. But when it was over, she wasn't the same. 

_She can't remember a time when she felt needed   
If love was red then she was color blind_

She'd never be the same. She found herself crying each and everyday. Still, he had tried to support her. She knew he couldn't understand. No one could... 

_All her friends they've been tried for treason   
And crimes that were never defined_

Cold. That was all she could feel. The pain was too much. Too much to bear... 

_She's sayin', "Love is like a barren place,   
And reaching out for human faith is--   
Is like a journey I just don't have a map for"_

She didn't have a choice. If she stayed, he would abandon her. 

_So baby's gonna take a dive and   
Push the shift to overdrive_

She swallowed. There it was again...the familiar pain. She rushed to the bathroom, as the bile rose. 

_And send a signal that she's hanging   
All her hopes on the stars _

What a pleasant dream... 

She stood weakly. Her eyes happened to catch a glimpse of herself in the ornate mirror. She paused and reached out to touch the reflection of her hand. "Why?" It was barely audible as it tore from her mouth. She wasn't sure when she had last spoke. 

_Just sayin'  
I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...   
If you'll be my baby   
Got a ticket for a world where we belong   
So would you be my baby?_

The reflection became distorted, as the tears blurred her vision. She tried to blink them away, but only saw herself, which repulsed her even more. "Too damned weak," she muttered. The anger surged throughout her body, and she smashed her small fist into the mirror, sending glass everywhere... 

_Hold on   
Hold on..._

An inhuman screech ripped violently through her body. She collapsed onto the floor. 

_Mamma never loved her much and   
Daddy never keeps in touch  
That's why she shies away from human affection_

She howled as the sobs continued, but slowly got up. She looked down at her hand, now covered in blood. Blood... 

_But somewhere in a private place  
She packs her bag for outer space_

She wrapped the bandage tightly around her wound, and went back into the bedroom. 

_And now she's waitin' for the right kind of pilot to come _

And she'll say to him... 

She picked up the luggage. "I'm so sorry, Gohan. It's just not fair to make you watch me die too..." 

_Just sayin'  
I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...   
If you'll be my baby   
I've got a ticket for a world where all we belong   
So would you be my baby?_

She closed the door quietly behind her. "Good-bye." 

_I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...   
If you'll be my baby   
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong   
So would you be my baby?_


	2. Pushing Me Away

Well, you guys, Burned was very sweet, and hey, since these are going to be nothing alike, said "of course" I can keep it up. Just cuz she's so nice. 

I'm thinking of making the whole thing a series of song fics, to tell the story. I'm not sure yet, though. What do you guys say about that?? 

Oh yeah, I'm going to leave it so you guys have to infer a bunch of stuff, for now, though I of course, plan to develope it in later chapters. 

By the way, I reserve the right to alter the lyrics as I see fit. (Though I'm just leaving out some repetition here. In others, the changes may be a bit more drastic.) 

"Pushing Me Away" by Linkin Park 

* * *

  


_I've lied to you   
The same way that I always do_

Gohan entered the huge office slowly, and took his place at the table, across from her. "Videl," he greeted civilly. 

_This is the last smile  
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you_

She nodded. "Gohan." 

'She--terrible, she looks terrible.' It was like five years had been added to her life. The fatigue, almost gruesome now...he had never thought, when they were together, that it would get this bad. 

_Everything falls apart  
Even the people who never frown eventually break down_

He had known the day that it had happened, that it could never last. 

_The sacrifice of hiding in a lie  
Everything has to end_

The light had gone out in her eyes. 

_You'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind_

He just didn't have the guts to leave her all alone. 

_The sacrifice is never knowing  
Why I never walked away_

He had waited for her. Stayed with her, and would...till the end...till she left him. 

_Why I played myself this way   
Now I see your testing me pushes me away_

He had done everything he could, to make it all better, but he knew that was impossible. 

Impossible... 

_I've tried like you  
To do everything you wanted too_

"It's about time you threw away this piece of trash," Mr. Satan boomed. 

Videl looked up at Gohan, the tears glistening in her eyes, but didn't say a word. 

_This is the last time  
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you_

He had promised her forever. Forever was a long time... 

_Everything falls apart_

He knew this was hurting her so badly. Very few times, had she allowed the sorrow, which was buried so deeply within her heart, to show. 

_Even the people who never frown eventually break down  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie_

He wanted to move on. He wanted her to move on. 

_Everything has to end  
You'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind  
The sacrifice is never knowing_

He wanted to be mad. Damn, how he wanted to feel anger. Who _could_ he be angry with...aside from himself? 

_Why I never walked away  
Why I played myself this way  
Now I see your testing me pushes me away_

He took the pen, which was handed to him by her attorney. 

"Let's make this quick," the man said quietly. 

_We're all out of time  
This is how we find how it all unwinds  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie_

Gohan had been given his options. He could fight; try to hold on to the shreds that were his marriage. But... 

_We're all out of time  
This is how we find how it all unwinds  
The sacrifice is never knowing_

He knew it was useless. She wasn't the Videl he had fallen in love with, any longer. 

She had asked for time, and he had given it. She had begged his patience, he had waited. She wanted to be alone. He would oblige. 

_Why I never walked away  
Why I played myself this way  
Now I see your testing me pushes me away_

He signed the papers, and met her sorrowful gaze. He knew how she would mourn their marriage also. He rose from his chair, and started for the door. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered. 

_Pushes me away..._

He didn't look back. "I know. Good-bye," he said before walking out of her life. 

_Pushes my away..._

* * *

  


THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!!! 

x - I dunno. I'm not even sure where I'm taking this. 

BluEydMnstr - Sounds like someone figured out what happened. That, or Burned squeeled. Really?? It was sad?? GREAT! I'm wanting emotions in this one. Something serious. 

Burned Vamp - I can't believe that song just hit me...I haven't heard it for a year or two. 32 turned out really good! I can't wait for more, and THANKS!!!! 

Pikazoom - Yeah, I know, but thanks. 

m - Thanks! 


	3. Angel (No, not the good one.)

Welcome to chapter 3, everyone! I was really happy with the way the last chapter turned out. Hopefully, some of your questions will be answered with this one. 

By the way, some...oh, I'll be civil and say...one flamed me. Twice, at that. First of all, what kind of IDIOT reviews a fic they haven't read?? The second review actually had the words "oh come on"... Please, people. If you haven't any kind of experience in a mature ralationship, then it is going to be hard to form the concept of why a destined couple would split up. 

Am I bitter about it?? I was, but then again, this kid was probably some 12 year old teeny bopper, who lucky for her, was smart enough NOT to sign the review, because if I can't spam, I sure as hell ain't gonna let anyone else get away with it. 

So anyway, sorry it's taken me so long...I've been through a lot lately. Phone problems, shows, ect... 

**THE NOTES**

1. The song for this chapter..."Angie" By the Rolling Stones. (A classic, if I do say so myself.) 

2. (and this is the important one) I changed all the Angie's to Angel's, for obvious reasons. Remember, I said I had the right to alter the songs as I saw fit. So, don't gimme any grief about it. 

* * *

  


_Angel, Angel, when will those clouds all disappear?   
Angel, Angel, where will it lead us from here?_

Gohan looked around the empty room. They had never had very much. They hadn't wanted it. All they had needed was each other. And now, she was gone. 

He walked into the small room, and picked up a familiar object. 

* * *

  


_With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats   
You can't say we're satisfied_

Videl clutched the glossy black and white picture in her hand. 

"So beautiful," she murmured. 

It was perfect. Absolutely without flaw. 

She touched her stomach, and watched the photograph intently. 

* * *

  


_But Angel, Angel, you can't say we never tried   
Angel, you're beautiful..._

Gohan hugged the teddy bear tightly. 

The unfinished nursery, done accordingly in soft pinks. 

It had been Videl's pride and joy. 

* * *

  


_...but ain't it time we said good-bye?   
Angel, I still love you, remember all those nights we cried?_

She let the tears flow down her face, and onto the small projection of light. 

"Ruined. Like everything else." She ripped the picture in half, as the sobs shook her body. 

The place inside, empty for so long, still felt so tender. She pressed harder on that spot, hoping for the slightest movement, or sign of life. 

Nothing. 

Just a void. 

* * *

  


_"Mr. Son, there was a complication."_ Gohan was remembering that night...the night it all happened. __

"What is it? Is Videl okay?" 

"Your wife's fine, Sir." He swallowed. 

"The baby?" 

"Lost." 

_*All the dreams we held so close seemed to all go up in smoke*_

_He walked calmly into her hospital room. _

She smiled weakly. "Gohan? Where's the baby? They won't let me see her. Is she in trouble?" 

He sat by her. "Videl...she's gone." 

_*Let me whisper in your ear:   
Angel, Angel, where will it lead us from here?*_

* * *

  


_Oh, Angel, don't you weep, all your kisses still taste sweet   
I hate that sadness in your eyes_

Why did it have to hurt so bad? It was all for his sake. She should be happy she was saving him from a life of sadness. 

He had a chance move on. 

A chance to forget... 

_But Angel, Angel, ain't it time we said good-bye?_

* * *

  


_But Angel, I still love you, baby_

Videl had set him free. 

But how could she expect him to move on? 

One always wants what he or she can't have... 

_Everywhere I look I see your eyes   
There ain't a woman that comes close to you_

And all Gohan wanted was her. 

* * *

  


She curled up onto her bed, the same she had used as a child. 

"You'll get through this, Gohan. You're strong." 

_Come on Baby, dry your eyes_

* * *

  


_But Angel, Angel, ain't it good to be alive?_

One day, she would find the strength to get over it. One day, she would be happy again. And they would be together. 

_Angel, Angel, they can't say we never tried._

* * *

  


THANKS TO ALL MY _NICE_ REVIEWERS! YOU GUYS ARE SO GREAT! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T PERSONALIZE THESE, BUT I'M KINDA IN A HURRY, AND I WANNA POST IT NOW, SO THANKS AGAIN! 

* * *

  


By the way, I know I ranted a bit up there, but I honestly do welcome CONSTRUCTIVE critiscism. (Preferably in the form of an e-mail.) What I don't welcome is people, who are obviously dubbies, never taking the time to research DB, with nothing better to do than slam someone because they actually have a couple of creative brain cells. 


	4. Lullaby

Welcome back, you guys! I know...it's been a while. But, at least it wasn't quite as long as last time. 

I actually wrote the first part of this like 2 weeks ago...I just haven't had time to sit down with the song, not to mention the fact that I was indecisive about which song to use. 

**THE NOTES**

1. The song is called "Lullaby" by Starsailor. Apparently a British artist/group. As you can tell, I don't know much about them. I actually came across the song by accident. Must have been fate, but it works pretty well for what I want to do with this. 

2. Once again, I've changed some words... 

One more...a HUGE thanks to **Blueydmnstr** for beta-ing! You guys, if ya need an English professor, she's the one to go to! Major help! Thanks, girl! 

* * *

  


_"Videl, you can't blame yourself for this," Gohan said gently, watching his tortured wife. _

"How can you say that, Gohan? It's all my fault," she croaked, the fatigue apparent even in her voice. 

"No, it isn't." 

"Yes it is!" She jumped up from her place on their bed. "She should have been able to survive. Seven months. They said if I carried her for seven months, it would be okay. But it wasn't okay, and it's all because of me." She wrapped her arms around her slender figure. "I should have been more careful." 

"Videl, you did everything that you could. You were so careful." 

"No. I was too weak. If I had been stronger, then she would be okay. She would have been able to fight for herself." 

"She was a fighter, Videl." He took a deep breath, and ran a hand through his hair. "But even the strongest fighters sometimes lose a battle." 

"It's not fair, Gohan. Why our baby?" 

"Would you have preferred it to be someone else's child?" he asked quietly. 

"I don't know. Maybe. Is that what it would have taken for me to keep her here? Did Dende tell you that?" 

"Videl, I'm sorry. I know that it hurts." 

"'Hurts?' You think it 'hurts,' Gohan? It's **excruciating**! I see myself in that damned mirror...and it's repulsive. I'm repulsive! Has your own reflection ever brought bile to your mouth? Ever made every part of your body constrict with pain and sorrow and self-loathing?" 

He closed his eyes, dragging in a breath of despair. Once again, he brought his gaze to her own. Still, he was unable to find any words. There were none. 

"I didn't think so." She moved to the window and looked out at the horizon, though she could see nothing. 

He put his arm around her shoulders, and she moved away from the contact, almost in a frantic gesture. "Videl, there was nothing you could do." It was a soft whisper, a desperate plea. 

She considered his words for a second. "I shouldn't have let them take her. I should have carried her to full term." 

"You know it was unsafe. I would have lost you both." 

"Maybe not. That baby had Saiyan blood in her. She would have made it." 

"You know that the doctor said it was unlikely. That's why they had to take her." 

"And still, she died. And it's all my fault." 

* * *

  


Get back on your feet again   
So insincere 

Videl had known from the beginning that coming to her father was a mistake. He had never been the most sensitive man. Why should he be sensitive to her? She was deserving of nothing. 

_Quiet little angel   
I held you so dear _

It had been three months since the divorce. Gohan was getting on with his life. Why shouldn't she get on with her own? 

_Get back on your feet again   
I'm so into you _

He was gone. She had cast him from her life like a dirty rag. 

_We met in a cinema   
You fell from my view_

Her life...she had never thought that it would be like this. Things were supposed to be different. Opening up to Gohan had been a mistake... 

Living was a mistake. 

_Lullaby   
Stop twisting my words tonight   
If you get high on life   
Don't leave me behind _

Now, she only had one person left... 

_Get back on your feet again   
Nothing to say _

...her father. 

_Some of your weaker friends   
Get in my way _

She was merely a burden to him...if that much. Sure, her father cared for her... 

_Get back on your feet again   
You always seem down _

...but he could never understand. 

_Some of your weaker friends   
Don't want you around _

No one could. 

_Lullaby   
Stop twisting my words tonight   
If you get high on life_

She collected her things once again. She had to get away. 

_Don't leave me behind_

She boarded the bus, and watched solemnly, as her home vanished from her line of vision. 

_Lullaby   
You live in my ruined mind _

She touched the window, as the hills zipped by in a blur. 

_Make light of all my fears   
And lead me from Hell..._

"Good-bye," she murmured hoarsely. 

* * *

  


I debated about personalizing reviews, and decided to go for it... 

Blueydmnstr - Okay, so you might be what you call a dubbie...MY definition of dubbie is someone who refuses to hear the real story of an anime. Furthermore, those people are just plain narrow-minded, which I know you aren't. I'm glad you like it, and you know I'll write more, because I like it too. 

Moonsrevenge - (cause that's what it still says) Well, at least I have Veggie on my side...makes all the difference. Thanks, girl! 

Burned Vamp - I really don't know what to say, because there really is nothing that I _can_ say, but I do thank you for reviewing. Your comments meant a lot. 

alannapurple - Before. 

Reviewer 100 - Nice to see ya! I know how you felt...no words...Thanks for reviewing tho. 

;) - yes. 

dbz98-isbell - thanks! and thank you for reviewing! 

Pikazoom - Hey, glad you're still keeping up with the story! And I still haven't decided what to do with this. Yes, originally, it was a branch, but now...I dunno. I've got 4 doors open to me, and I'm not sure what I want to do...but I have an idea. Thanks for dropping by!   
  
  
  
  


Once again, a big thanks to all who reviewed, and an enormous thanks to Blu! 

See you guys in the next update! 


	5. Save Yourself

I'm back again, guys! Okay, originally, this chapter's song was actually going to be the one that I'm using for the next chapter, but then this song came on the radio, and I happened to know it...so, it worked out really well, and it's the perfect precursor to the next chapter. 

Enjoy! 

**Important:** Three months have elapsed since the last chapter. You may want to go back and read the last paragraph or so... 

"Save Yourself" - Stabbing Westward 

For those of you who read 23 of SI, yes, this is by the same band...and they just happen to be the only 2 songs that I know and like by them. 

_This chapter dedicated to BluEydMnstr._

* * *

  


_I know your life is empty   
And you hate to face this world alone_

"Kali, phone for you." A red-headed woman jerked her thumb in the direction of the old, yellow phone, which was hanging on the wall, and nodded towards Videl. 

Videl rolled out from beneath the car, stood, and wiped her hands on an orange rag, before going to the phone. "Hello?" 

"Videl." Is was Gohan. 

She was startled for a moment, then replied, rather calmly, "How did you find me?" 

_So you're searching for an angel   
Someone who can make you whole_

Nikki, the red-head, looked at her quizzically, but Videl waved a hand, letting her know everything was fine. 

"It doesn't matter." He took a breath. "Come home, Videl." 

"No, Gohan." 

_I cannot save you;   
I can't even save myself_

"Why?" 

"I can't discuss this right now. I'm working." 

"At Nikki's Garage? I know. You shouldn't be." 

"I know what's best for me." 

"Yes, I suppose you do." 

"Look, Gohan, I really do need to be going..." 

"I miss you, Videl. I still love you." 

"I'm sorry, Gohan. Please, just move on." 

_So just save yourself_

"I don't want to move on. Now without you," he added softly. 

_I know that you've been damaged   
Your soul has suffered such abuse_

"No, Gohan. I have moved on. Without you. I suggest you do the same." 

_But I am not your savior   
I am just as fucked as you_

"You haven't moved on. Just moved away." 

"Gohan, I don't want to do this, but I need you out of my life. I can't heal until you move on." 

"We were meant to be together, Videl! We love each other." 

"Love has nothing to do with it, Gohan. Please don't call me here again. Good-bye." 

_I cannot save you;   
I can't even save myself   
So just save yourself. _

She slammed down the phone, and walked over to the blue Mustang. 

Nikki stopped her, by tugging her arm gently. "Everything okay?" She knew the story, some of Videl's past. 

The sorrow and worry showed in her eyes, when she saw that Videl was on the verge of tears. 

_Please don't take pity on me_

"I'm fine," she said, looking away. 

Nikki glanced at the clock. "Only an hour to go. Things have been pretty slow today. Why not take the rest of the day off?" 

Videl sighed. She really didn't want to, but Nikki was a friend, as well as a boss, and wouldn't let it rest until she went home. She gave her her gratitude, and left the shop, returning to her small apartment above the garage. 

_My life has been a nightmare   
My soul is fractured to the bone_

She leaned backwards, cracking her back. She had been doing that a lot lately. Maybe she needed to see a doctor. No, she didn't want to see a doctor. That was just another person to feel pity towards her, when she told her sad story once more. 

She was happy with her new life. 

_So if I must be lonely   
I think I'd rather be alone_

Things were simple. She didn't have to see Gohan or her father. 

Happy... 

Why had he called? __

You cannot save me   
You can't even save yourself 

She had hurt him again. She knew it. But couldn't she be selfish? Just this once? 

_I cannot save you   
I can't even save myself   
Save yourself _

This was the only way, wasn't it? Distance was the only way. Starting over, the only way... 

_So just save yourself_

* * *

  


TO THE REVIEWERS: 

Burned Vamp - Yeah, keep yo mouth shut! Thanks... 

alannapurple - Well, glad you like. It's nice to see ya keeping up with my stuff. Thanks! 

Pikazoom - Sorry...okay, I'm not. Hope you're not too bent up over this chapter. 

BluEydMnstr - Yeah, I can forgive you. At least it's not like the Goku thing. *hersheys* Thanks again...and glad you like it. How was this one compared to the others? I know we got more action... 

THANKS, you guys! The support is great! 

**READ:** I know this chapter was very different; sort of out of place, so if you have questions, ask in a review, or email me ---> Hotaru_no_hope@hotmail.com 

Until the next chapter... 


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